The winter solstice, midwinter, Christmas and what all of that really should mean.

I had originally planned this post for next week, the day before the Solstice, but I decided that it might be advantageous to have these thoughts to reflect upon in the days coming up to the Solstice. In the event that they strike you in any way.

I was so, so sick this year. So sick that my friend politely dis-invited me to her family’s Thanksgiving that she was going to take me to so that I wouldn’t reinfect a just recovered sibling, but brought me back food and helped me decorate my tree afterward. Because the tree. must. be. decorated.

I have always been one of those people who love Christmas. Who wake everyone else up on Christmas morning, who start playing Christmas music from Thanksgiving until New Years relentlessly, who love wrapping presents, who love giving presents, who love the decorations, the travel, the stress, the family, the cooking, the planning, etc. Even when I would come home from college, my parents (and sometimes my sister) would give me an ‘earliest time’ that I was allowed to wake everyone up for Christmas. You may be envisioning Buddy the Elf at this point. I’m not so much Buddy the Elf (although I won’t protest having Buddy the Elf moments) and more of the … ‘magic of Christmas’ kind of person.

I promise this isn’t all about Christmas.

For one thing, by many accounts, even religious ones, Jesus probably wasn’t born in December. So, why December? We know that the medieval church (and probably even ancient church) manipulated many of it’s rituals and even it’s language for the longest time for the greatest control over it’s people. There were also many pagan rituals surrounding the solstice (and celebrations from several other religions that took place at around that time). Even Diwali, the Hindu festival of lights, is close by in late November. It’s very probable that Christianity decided that this was an easy way to integrate other religions into their own.

So why late December?

So many major religions celebrate with lights during this dark time of year.

The winter solstice is the darkest time of the year. The longest night and the shortest day. In ancient times, this is when you were entering the bleakest part of the year, the toughest stretch. Crops were dying, animals no longer had grass to graze upon and, quite possibly, not all of your human family would make it through. What to do? Slaughter the animals that you were unable to feed, cook the food that wouldn’t keep, fill the place with light and gather all of your dearest together for one last feast.

December can be tough for many, regardless of your religious beliefs. Often we get caught up in the pressure of gift giving, or the stress of not feeling like we can give enough. It’s also the fiscal year-end in the late 21st century and a lot of us are trying to cram in last minute IRA contributions, if we’re lucky enough to be in such a position, in addition to doctors appointments to take advantage of the low (or non-existent) deductible in the United State’s (flawed) system. If we’re lucky enough to have health insurance. We’re also dealing with the combined excitement and pressure of holiday travel and/or holiday hosting.

Some of us are REALLY lucky and have a spouse or a child - sort of similar - with a December birthday. (Two different presents and parties, by all means, people! They deserve their own day! That is not a joke, birthdays are special. Do not wrap the birthday gift in Christmas paper.)

When I lived in Chicago, I worked for four different major fitness companies. I was always invited to at least four really nice holiday parties. I also had almost two decades worth of friends, so I was invited to those parties as well. Then I was generally hosting Dean’s birthday party. (His 30th almost broke me, but I managed to make it epic and live through it. I even worked that day. I didn’t look great, but I survived.)

Dean and I haven’t been in Nashville for a year yet. The one party we were invited to was his work’s Christmas party, but we’re leaving for Alabama that evening. (I will say that I do not feel like I have gained the holiday weight this year!) Dean and I have also decided that we’re not really in a financial position to give each other gifts this year, we’ll concentrate on gifts for our loved ones. This is also the first year that we’ve owned a car. It’s also the first year that we haven’t had to weigh the options of flying v. driving to at least one holiday destination. It’s taken the stress out of some of the travel plans, but also given us more time to solidify them and made them a little more nebulous. Because of how late Thanksgiving fell this year, we’ve also had a shorter ‘Christmas season’. All of this has culminated to make this Christmas feel a little different. Not that it wouldn’t have anyway.

One year my parents came to my place in Chicago for Christmas. It was. The Best.

When I was in high school, before Black Friday became the monolith to corporate greed that it has become, the stores still had good deals and sometimes they would open maybe a couple hours early. My mom and I would often get up and go see what Christmas shopping we could get done. Generally it was planned that my sister would come too, but when 6am finally came, usually she opted to stay in bed. (Although Michelle does get up quite early these days, I have always been the more natural early riser.) It was always special to me because I had never been a big shopper, and when the three of us had gone together on weekends, Michelle always seemed to find the most and enjoy it the most. I usually bought maybe a t-shirt and always a book. So these early mornings alone with my mom, hunting down gifts and crossing things off our lists, were very special to me.

Lincoln Square, Chicago. So many good little shops to hunt for small gifts. I did enjoy that, too.

One of my dreams once I moved closer, was for us to meet up for Christmas shopping. Although this particular month has been hectic for both of us for a variety of non-seasonal reasons, we managed to meet up this past weekend. We found a mall in a city where neither of us had been and we met up and we hunted for gifts. And it was great.

We found things for people that we would not have discovered just pecking around online. We got easy movement in and we were able to connect and catch up. Yes, we crossed some things off of our lists, but more importantly, we spent time together and time considering those we love. As a consequence of thinking about those that we were getting gifts for, we talked about the people in our lives as well.

I had been struggling to feel ‘Christmasy’ up until that weekend, but came home ready to wrap gifts, have hot chocolate (even though it was 60 degrees in Nashville) and watch Christmas movies. I got up at 6am to drive to meet my mom and enjoyed my coffee and Christmas music in the car en route while I watched the sun rise. Dean had dinner ready for me when I got home and we watched Mickey’s Christmas Carol and It’s A Wonderful Life.

One year we went to my sister’s for Christmas. Christmas cracker hats are a tradition I brought back from England. Whenever we can find the crackers.

December can be hard for many people. Some of us, including my mom and myself, have lost people. It’s a part of life, but it still hurts and sometimes this season makes the missing ache a little more. Sometimes for the very reason that it’s wonderful. You’re spending time thinking about those that you love and hoping to please and surprise and spend time with those that mean the most to you. I’m farther away now from many that I used to spend the darkest parts of the year with, but closer to some as well. Hold close the ones you love most during this time, whether they’re near, far away, on this earth, or somewhere else.

As I was driving to meet my mom, I was thinking about some new friends and a picture I had taken with them at Friendsgiving and how I should print that picture out and send it to my grandma. I got emotional when I realized that not only did I no longer have a grandma to send pictures to, but that all of the pictures I had been sending her over the years would most likely be coming back to me soon. The bittersweetness of the excitement in sharing my new friends with the sadness of someone I could no longer share them with… is not something I’m going to label as bad.

Just like the solstice, I’m going to see it as light coming out of the dark.