We’ve got about five months left of 2019. In some ways, this year has flown by, but in lots of others, it’s felt incredibly long. I’m not going to complain, I like feeling like I’ve had more time. Even if some of it has been a little stressful.

Yeah, that’s me and a Roman Candle. And I’d do it again.

I read an article once that said the reason you felt like summer stretched out forever when you were a little kid is that you were constantly forming new memories and patterns. As adults, many of us fall into routines and the months, seasons and years begin to bleed together. I read this several years ago, right around the time I got out off the office job and I have to say, I feel like it’s true. The more variety and newness I seek out, the more time I feel like I’m getting. Yes, of course, the good times will still feel too short and the bad times will always feel too long, but all the times in between… the learning new things, the trying new work, finding new places to go, etc… I feel like I’m always forming new memories. To that end, I believe that if you continue to stretch yourself and consciously try and grow, life will appear longer.

Now is as good a time as any to check in with how I’m doing with my 2019. There are a few thing that I would still like to get done, and I have time. There’s one big one that I’m not ready to talk about here yet. But I’m working on it steadily and I hope to have made some progress on it in the next few months. I know that I’m putting the effort in there, doing what I know how to do and learning new things about it all the time. It’s one of those things where the regret of not trying is greater than the fear of failure. So I am trying. Hopefully more about that in a few months.

Our move definitely started out with a bang.

I’d like to pass this nutrition coach certification. Ugh. I’d like to be done with online certifications for a while. I thought this one would be easier than the NASM one, but apparently a lot of people fail this one the first time around too! So, I’m in buckle down mode again for a few months. But that’s a goal. Again, I’m working on it. It’s tedious, but I’m plugging away.

I’d like to feel a little more confident with the work that I’m doing and the work that I have. I am learning a lot and stretching myself. I feel like I can handle it, but I am stressed sometimes. Like I always tell my students; growth doesn’t happen when you’re comfortable. Find that uncomfortable place and hang out in it for a while if you want to see change.

This year has not been comfortable so far. Some parts of it have been exciting and exhilarating. I have pushed myself and accomplished things that I am proud of. Some parts of this year have been sad, terrifying and deeply upsetting. But like Mr. Rogers said, “look for the helpers.” It’s true. You can usually find someone doing kind and generous things during those devastating times. And sometimes it’s on you to be the helper. Being the helper is the best. For me it always feels better to be able to do something that helps, rather than just helplessly watching the carnage. But sometimes it’s your turn to be the one receiving help. Let people help. It’s easier for everyone. And sometimes, unfortunately, you just have to watch and do what you can to send support, love and empathy from afar. Sometimes you just have to knuckle down and get through it on your own. Sometimes it’s an internal battle, or an occasion where you’re the best helper of yourself. I feel like I’ve been in all of those places this year.

Grandma on the left, me on the right. I’m still not used to the fact that she’s not there anymore.

Maybe this is my year of big lessons and challenges. I thought I was growing last year, but a lot of that was self imposed (more controllable) growth. This is uncontrolled, uncomfortable growth. I’m doing my best to keep up. I’ll let you know how it goes.

Halfway around the sun again...